Make mine a Super Special

Among other things, the 4th Test match between Ind and Aus will be VVS Laxman's 100th Test match.
So how's he done so far ?

Here's a snippet of Laxman's stats thus far sorted by match results.

Evidently his batting average shoots up in the matches India has drawn. It is nearly 20 points above his career average of 45.41runs. A conclusion that can be made is that Laxman scores heavily in dead matches.

Which would be a sham because it is a lazy conclusion ! Because, sample this:
(in Drawn matches)

Not so dead anymore, huh !! In the 2nd innings Mr. Wrists turns it on fine style. His average shoots up to the 80s. He occupies the crease longer. Looks like when the team is in dire straits - about to concede the match - our man here steps it up, and lives upto his billing of being Very Very Special.

That in itself is vindication, but since we're at it lets engage in some more Laxmania:
(by Batting position, in 2nd innings in Drawn matches)

Holy Cow !! The-Guy-Australia-Hate-To-Guts goes briefly Bradmanesque. Averages of 167 and 108 are obscene. The Boss, it seems, has on more times saved his team from humiliation when they were 5-6-7-8 down and the other Fab-4 superheroes were cooling their heels in the dressing room.

All of which means that all these 35 Drawn (out of his 99) games might not have been so DRAWN had the VVS not brought out the Super Special.

Saint KP

Saint KP

Quantum Leap

The quantum has leapt. With Anil Kumble's retirement the time for
cricket's new guard has come.

In Utseya, Ashraful, Gayle, Vettori, Jayawardene and Graeme Smith world
cricket already had a clique of young skippers strutting about. However,
the teams they lead do not form the crux of world cricket. It is India,
Australia and England who literally own cricket today, and frankly they
also play the best cricket. It would have been premature to call it a
change of guard with the senior statesmen - Kumble, Ponting and Vaughan
- still around.

Hence when Micheal Vaughan handed over the mantle to Kevin Pietersen it
felt like the start of something, like the wheels were being set into
motion. As unplanned successions tend to go, the incumbent could no
longer justify his selection and the young gun seemed an irresistible
force. Similarly, Kumble had not planned on retiring yesterday.
Circumstance and sense had forced his hand, and in Dhoni India had
simply planned ahead. And so the wheel turned. Nine of the ten test
nations are now being led by the young turks. Heady, youthful times are
ahead.

Now if only Pup can pip the Punter, we can all toast the charge of the
youth brigade.

Softly does it

Call me a nay-sayer, but I find the best way to be an Indian fan is to
be prepared for a loss next game. India are no Australia whose fans can
afford the relative sense of security akin to Goldman investors. India
are the Lehmans, the Sterns, the Lynches - millionaires one day, paupers
the next. They're pretty bullish right now, but they must guard against
the risk that market expectation brings.

The expectation that, at Kotla, India will steamroll Australia. Commentators
are ruling out an Aussie comeback saying that this Aus team lacks the
ability to bounce back. The captain is deemed a sun-baked alpha-male
incapable of a deft soft touch. Their lead pacer can't seem to get over
the separation from his wife. The most imposing batter, that gladiator
from the past, seems to have lost all his teeth at the kitchen counter.
There's talk of resurrecting the fishing all rounder. And of the
newcomers nothing great is expected.

India meanwhile is presumed to bet sat comfortably. The batting
juggernaut seems to be slowly cranking up speed one last time and is
expected to go out on Nitro. The fast bowlers are being celebrated as
the next-big-thing of reverse since the Ws. The spinners on display are
considered rich in both guile and turn. Jumbo awaits in the wings -
giving the team double options at both captaincy and leg spin. The
curator is gift-wrapping the 22 yards of read earth for him. India is
expected to brown-wash the tired and cranky wizards from Oz, it is
supposed to leave them kneeling, bleeding, covered in mud, begging for
mercy. This is hype.

It reminds of Jan 2008 and reeks of exaggerated supremacy. Then, there
was a similar gap between the 2nd and 3rd Tests. Then, a group of beaten
men regrouped. Then, the dominant force closed their eyes, shot in all
directions and missed everything. India must guard against Kotla
becoming Perth.

As for me, I am prepared.

Diarrhoea outbreak at Hogwarts.

Subcontinental cricket is suffering from a diarrhoea of the 50-over game. And it is apt to make the cringing pun that the players are going through the motions. It might be that my memory is showing signs of aging, and I'm a prime twenty-five, but the fact is that I can no longer recollect one day matches for more than three days. Triumphant victories, resounding defeats, last ball nail biters - nothing remains. The deluge of ODI cricket in the subcontinent is so overwhelming that it undermines what passes from one game to another, I can no longer tell Dhaka from Karachi, Guwahati from Colombo. On average a subcontinent team plays a one day match every three days. The downtime between consecutive series has petered down to a paltry week. Off season - what off season ? This leaves hardly any time for the spectator to build up anticipation before a tournament start, and definitely none for a post-series breather in which to savour the memories.

This year the IPL bonanza concluded in June and the flag post event, Asia cup, was fixtured for early July. A month's gap in the harsh summer, what luxury ! The players looked set to use the intervening month to cool off, the press dreamed up an extended bout of volleying amongst the Asian rivals, the Indian team might have had the time to dig out a tape or two of the Mendis carrom ball and the Asia cup would have ended in a crescendo celebrating all that's good in Asian cricket. Instead, the witches that run our cricket boards got together and brewed up an ugly money spewing syrup called the Kitply cup. It wasn't the first time they had done so, remember the IPL was similarly pulled out of the bag and plonked into what was supposed to be India's rest period, but while the IPL was born out of the necessity to embrace change there could surely be no such pretension about the Kitply cup. It was a tournament of tired teams playing on over-worked pitches at the onset of the Bangladeshi monsoon for the honour of lifting a plank of plywood. Safe to say I remember nothing of the games played.

The real witchery of the Kitply cup was in what it robbed us of. It robbed the players a chance to have a decent rest and a preparatory camp. Niggles and strains could have been sorted. Zombie cricketers could have caught some naps and the support staff could have worked out the new mystery spinner. The media, so essential to modern cricket, too could have enjoyed a longer build up to the Asian title race. Opposing camps could have lined each up in the press better, intricate rivalries could have been sufficiently hyped and strategies of mental disintegration could have been firmly established. No such thing happened. Rather, India's best batsman did not play due to a side strain, Pakistan's captain shabbily collapsed from exhaustion minutes before a match and his coach successfully instrumented a journalist walkout.

Because our witchcraft institutions compromised the quality and the success of the Asia cup for the chance to pick up an extra nickel along the way. It was thus that the baffling Ajantha Mendis brow beat the indifferent Indian batsmen in front of an absent crowd.

Dropped.

For the first times in three years I was dropped today.
I have thought about it here - A club cricketer's diary

The State Team

Following my suggestion for Sachin Tendulkar to be made the President of India, the BCCI installed a sub-committee to assess the feasibility of that suggestion. The sub-committee has found such a proposition possible indeed, and has gone one step ahead to recommended a full re-organisation of the Indian Government.

The Government will be formed by a coalition known as the Undressed People’s Alliance. This alliance will be led by Mr. Sharad Pawar who has promised to unlearn the Marathi language and to pick up Italian by the time the Government is installed. Mr. Pawar will not be taking an active role in the Cabinet and will read his Italian speeches from Roman script. Other partners in this alliance are the Senior Citizens’ Action Party led by the vibrant leader Mr. Raj Singh Dungarpur and the Aishwarya Samaj Party represented by the influential Mr. Amar Singh. The opposition is to be headed by Mr. Subash Chandra who represents the Future Vision Dal.

As intimated earlier, Sachin Tendulkar will be appointed the nominal head of India. His installation will take place this Friday in Melbourne at the Presentation Ceremony for the T20 match between India and Australia. Top leaders of the UPA alliance will fly to Melbourne to attend the ceremony in person. The Chief Justice of India will administer the Oath of Office to Mr. Tendulkar over a web-conference. In keeping with international protocol, Mr. Tendulkar will convert his Cricket tour to a State visit to Australia following his swearing in ceremony. In a show of solidarity, the Australian team have agreed to lose the game.

Upon his return to the sovereign Mr. Tendulkar will then oversee the institution of The Council of Ministers, who will be as follows:

Ø Cabinet Ministers

Anil Kumble – Prime Minister and in-charge of all unallocated portfolios. His management qualities have been highlighted recently, and while some might argue that age is against his appointment to the premier post, a trend of frequently-transplanted politicians in the recent past means he is still a safe bet.

MS Dhoni – Railways, Prime Minister’s Office and Panchayati Raj. Mr. Dhoni has age on his side. He will do well to learn from the matters of the PMO. We hope he’ll further the Railways’ profitable ways as his sensibilities are in line with those of his predecessor, Mr. Lalloo Prasad. His rooted-ness and his infectious hair-sense should make him a popular champion of the Panchayati cause.

Rahul Dravid ­­– Defence and Statistics and Programme Implementation. He is a world renowned expert in these areas and will bring solidity to the table.Someone said, "Form is temporary, Class is permanent." Mr. Dravid has been known to have class.

Sourav Ganguly – Human Resource Development and Corporate Affairs. In the past, Mr. Ganguly has shepherded a number of talented up-coming politicians to success and it is hoped he can translate the same magic to the unemployed of this country. Recent encounters with a disgruntled Australian have opened his eyes to the sensitivities of other people. The charge of Corporate Affairs is placed in a bid to remove him from the Chyavanprash adverts resulting from an ensuing conflict of interest.

VVS Laxman – External Affairs. Given his excellent track record in dealing with foreign diplomats and international situations it is fitting that he be nominated to the MEA. In a bid to keep his confidence high, it is also mooted that he fulfills his duties on a 6 month home - 6 month Australia basis. When in Australia he will double up as our Ambassador there.

Yuvraj Singh – Agriculture and Rural Development. The committee recommends demoting Yuvraj to semi-pro politician status. Keeping in line with the style of his blunders lately it is believed he will be best suited to the Agriculture industry. As agriculture happens in rural areas, he could also be entrusted with the Rural Development ministry.

Zaheer Khan – Health and Family Welfare. Having a huge in-depth knowledge of the health facilities in this country makes Mr. Khan indispensable for monitoring the Health of the nation. Lack of any evidence to the contrary convinces us he is a good family man too.

Irfan Pathan – New and Renewable Energy. He is the only man we have in this sector.

Harbhajan Singh – Culture and Social Justice and Empowerment. In light of recent international incidents we believe he is the right man at the right time. His understanding of the fabric of our national social being makes him the ideal man to represent the values of our proud culture. He also possesses a keen sense of India’s new-found social conscience and is seen by many as an icon of Sikh empowerment.

Mohd. Kaif – Home Affairs and Minorities. A proven performer on the internal scene he has ably headed various State ministries for a long time now. It is natural progression that he now assumes higher responsibilities. He will also represent the minority interests in the UPA alliance.

V Sehwag – Power and Food Processing Industries. Sehwag has some brilliant ideas on rejuvenating the Power sector. In his previous stints he has proven his mettle in difficult conditions and against formidable opposition. He should also be allowed first take on the opposition’s questions in the Parliament. Mr. Sehwag’s mother will take care of the FPI sector in an unofficial capacity.

Wasim Jaffer – Personnel and Public Grievances and Pensions. Someone’s got to do the job.

Dinesh Kaarthick – Youth Development and Sports. The only athletic build in the alliance makes him top contender for what is essentially a job of outrunning Messrs Gill and Kalmadi. We bet his boyish looks will fool the IOC into bringing the Olympics to India.

MM Patel – In-charge of Daman and Diu, and, Dadra and Nagar Haveli. With a frictional personality and mixed results in previous roles of responsibility it is best he is kept at a distance and be reassessed on monthly visits to the Capital.

Pankaj Singh – Water Resources. For sentimental reasons.

VRV Singh – Micro, Small and Medium Enterprises. A misnomer ministry really, allocating MSMEs to Mr. Singh should allow him to manage the huge sector without pressure of hype and visibility. It is a safe risk for the same reason.

Ø Ministers of State

Ishant Sharma – State Minister for Youth Development. A just reward for the big strides he has made in a short duration, to rise from being a Delhi Youth Brigade workhorse to the Head of All India Youth Barbers’ Union. A lack of respect towards foreign premiers means he is not ready for the big league just yet.

Ø Others

RP Singh – Chief Minister, Uttar Pradesh. Long-lost nephew of alliance partner Amar Singh, RP came to the limelight (and Amar Singh’s bulging eyes) after stellar performances in the UP primaries. His appointment will achieve two things – a quiet coalition and a reined star.

Finally, in keeping with tradition it is recommended that this sub-committee be elevated to the status of a Full Committee and Mr. Sunil Gavaskar be placed at its helm.